what price do you pay for what you really want?

money, time, or tears. 
is my gut response to that. 

yesterday i am sitting at a cafe table in the warm afternoon, smelling the ivy and daydreaming of elder wine. i listen to a passionate woman tell me about the school she teaches at.

she has just said : i would give over my life for this. 

by now, these are the magic words i need to hear if i’m to engage with anything.  

but! then in the same breath she says : 

“i mean, i know, it’s expensive….”

damn. that programmed response triggers the hell out of me. 

what i want comes with a price. a bargain. maybe it’s invisible, because it happened way upriver from the present moment - but it is always there. 

maybe the price is discipline. giving up my present identity. 
being humbled. 

maybe the price is my soul.

cause hey - when you get a “free deal” in the old stories, how often is that the real price we’re talking about?

and my question is - am i aware of how often i am still engaging in THAT particular trade-off?

and it works both ways - 

“let me procrastinate this crucial step in my journey… and blame money” (instead of deciding i am unstoppable and finding a way)

and 

“i’ll just throw money at this instead of paying the Real Price”  (talking to my mum, changing my inner story, leaving my job).

“the good things of life are free”
is a statement i sometime struggle with. 

the good things require our attention. 

what is the biggest currency on the internet, on the market?
what is the greatest weapon in politics?
what makes a huge difference in our relationships and well-being?

presence. paying attention - and hey look at that. “Paying” again. 

Today, I’m going to pay attention to the lessons of Saturn retrograde : restructure what is unstable, and reassess boundaries. 

What will you pay special attention to today?

photo by clay banks

#presence #currency