questions (part 2) Devil’s advocate

You watch me rant
With a knowing smile
and ever the devil’s advocate,
You remind me

“But you also tell me :
I’m not going anywhere.”

My time with you has made me work new muscles,
And favour persistence
Over fleeing.

Truth is, love
I’m tired of pointing fingers.
In whichever direction.
Tired of this galloping twitch of mine 
That wants to flee
Everything I don’t approve of,
Put a couple oceans between myself and this complex world,
The sticky webs i never want to tangle in again,
Their smells make old scars twinge that sound my alarms, raise my sails, but

I want to get closer,
Not further
To the heart of life.

And after the hurricanes
Ripped off the roof a couple times,
I’ve slowed enough to notice that

In the end
I’m only ever 
forgiving you
For not being me

Forgiving me
For not seeing you.

So no.
I’m not going anywhere.

I’m not running 
from me
Foxily Hidden in you.

You came to me gift-wrapped in a mountain of complications
That seem to be, very slowly, melting
Under the blaze of this dazzling joy

And the rest - can go to hell.