grief, secret

i’ve observed my beloved and i get hit at different times by waves of grieving the abortion. in particular, the point where we found ourselves in a place too sensitive to share any of it with anyone. it’s a really bleak, muffled, heavy place to be.

he’s been in one of those recently. i was deep in it from conception to abortion, and with every day after that i feel myself opening back a little more to the outside world.

we’ve been talking about it (on the phone, from 2 different countries) - and he was amazed that at the polar opposite - i could now share such an intimate thing online, to scrolling strangers.

but then, within a day, a close friend reached out to say they’d also had an abortion.

on exactly the same day i did.

and we wouldn’t have known.

that came like a warm wind softening his gray day. that we are all so close really. hurting in silence within arm’s length.

actually going through the fragile thresholds together, whether we know it or not