snowblind

you don’t get it
i stare at the candle
in the hovering sleep time

and where some contemplate the Beloved wrapped in its robes 
of absolute -
silence, emptiness -
i trace my finger on the smiling wrinkles of God
in this so-human mystery,
the blotched-ink scribblings of our blueprints 
that amazingly,
get us through the day
together

from wonky shadows on the wall,
moebius loops emerge,
i thumb through blurry pictures when you’re not here
and stare at the dark pixels of your eyes
burning right through the screen,
loud with your so-quiet quiet
After giving my guitar a few notes of attention

my footsteps drum back down the hallway and you
take a moment, 

A breath into the world I have entered again
before raising your face to me
like you did the first time

routine casts only pale shadows over
this gaze you hold me in,

a strip of sky 
where time has paused 
like a deer in the headlights,
a thief caught red-handed

my own eyes 
cannot really see you any more.

they’re too crowded with ghost images of moments so bright they are burned into my retina - 

the glistening tears dripping in your stubble 
The glint of your teeth in smiles Or anguish,
the dancing flame in your eye 
when making love makes you want to make love more

And above all the starlight glimmer 
That hangs around your sleeping form
Topples me till I’m a pebble rolling down the mountain,
Eyes closed,
a holy icon folded in my chest.

I’ve seen you from too close up 
On the insides of my heart
To ever really see you. 
I am now contentedly snow-blind.