but i can bless

My mother’s best friend is a doctor. A doctor coming to the age of retiring - and like many of them, not so inclined.

“Because when you know how to fix people, why would you stop.”

As i keep falling deeper into touch and presence, I taste a faint trace of that on my lips.

Times have been foggy lately. Morale up and down. Small steps forward, doing my best to shield my flame from the turbulent winds of doubt and instability.

When comes a day that I want to give up. That I feel cornered and I want to point fingers and blame and rage. I want to bellow into the abyss between the spiritual crowd so afraid of sex, the sex industry clients so ignorant of spirit. That I am out of ideas for something new and out of strength to persist in the face of silence.

That I am exhausted by everything. Basic survival. Real rest, months overdue. The defeated feeling that my hands are unable to build anything…

Then someone will come to me in such a state that I think, How can I possibly help them. 

What droplets could I pour into a wound so deep.

And unfailingly, they are the ones.

The ones whose meeting we will both remember as long as we live.

And after such a meeting I rise with a second wind. I do not know which of us receives more medicine. 

We allow. We allow a giving and receiving that could birth a mountain range.

And life slaps me hard. wakes me into remembering.

I cannot fix - but like each of us, I can bless. 

When you can lift each other up, why would you stop.

My heart is heavy at the prospect of being sent away from this land that sings to me, to some unknown landscape cleaved by isolation - and being forbidden to touch. to open that bridge of healing. to sit behind a blanket of fear until our brittle bones rattle with loneliness and the wind scatters the last strands of colors from our eyes.

saddens me more than words can say, than tears can show. 

until then - may we lift each other up. 

may we make our voices heard, to spark each other’s skies.
may the softness of our touch and our hearts call up the sunrise.

may we be patient in the test of time - for this too shall pass.

#wearethemedicine #resilience #touchmedicine #erotichealing #touchstarvation #blessing #powerofblessing #tantrichealing